Do I regret having minimized during quarantine?

It has now been one month since my work switched us to a fully remote schedule. The kids have been doing home school for four weeks. And my mother-in-law came to stay with us about three weeks ago.

The six of us have been living in a 3 bedroom, 1,000 square foot apartment. If you know us, you know that in spring of last year, we made some major changes in our life. We were living in a 5 bedroom house on a corner lot with a full basement. It wasn't a huge house but we definitely had more room to spread out, a cul-de-sac to ride bikes on and a garden that is in full bloom right now.

After Feraz's dad unexpectedly passed away, we thought more about the life we wanted to live. If we were to die, what would we leave behind? What would be the value of all the stuff we were accumulating and what would we have wished we had more time for?

When it came to the stuff, it was easy. All the crap things we had would just be a burden for someone to take care of. And the thing we unequivocally agreed on was that we would want to have spent enough time with each other. At the time, we had an au pair, Feraz was working from home at a job he didn't really care for and I was commuting an hour each way into DC for work.

We decided to make some major changes. Feraz would become a stay-at-home dad, we would apply the DC public school lottery to see if the girls could get into a school close to my work and we would drastically minimize our life and move to the city.

The girls got into an amazing school on the same street as my work and we started the hunt for  a place in DC. We decided to go with an apartment so we wouldn't have to worry about maintenance or landscaping and we would still have space to spread out around the building. This would also be a low commitment way to see if we wanted to move back to the city on a more long-term basis. We put most of our large belongings on FB Marketplace and either donated or sold most of our small stuff on LetGo. Initially, I had been really excited to get rid of things but as I gave away stuff from my travels or sold the dining table that we had so many meals around, there was a certain pain in letting go.

The move was a great one for our family. Before the quarantine, I could hug my family good-bye and be sitting at my desk at work in under ten minutes. In the mornings, Feraz would get the kids ready and I would walk the girls to school. I got to participate in events at their school and when I couldn't Feraz and Na'eel would be there. I could stop by the house for lunch anytime I wanted and see the boys.



I have long theorized that families who live in small places get along better and at least in our case, so far, that has been true. I'm guessing part of the reason for that is that even if there is a disagreement or squabble, the incentive to work it out is high when you can't really get away from each other. Haha. So, for better or worse, our family unit continues to grow stronger and more cohesive.

We all spend most of our day in our one open living space which has our living room, kitchen and dining area. If you follow along on Instagram, you have probably seen that space many, many times. It's been totally fine. We have electricity, food, water, internet connection, temperature controlled living. We talk to each other throughout the day and it hasn't felt crowded. Maybe that's because without a bunch of things everywhere, it's the people that make the space and we have had the room to work on our relationships with each other.

In the last ten months, I have not missed the stuff we have let go. There have been very few instances where I've wanted or needed something we don't have anymore. And lately, I've been getting the same question a lot. I bet you miss your life in the suburbs now, don't you? And after thinking about it a bit. The answer is easy. Not at all. What we've gained as a family by valuing stuff less and our togetherness more has not been diminished by having to be quarantined together, it has expanded.

I hope that the opportunity to slow down in some ways has helped people think more deeply about what is important to them. That over-scheduled and chaotic lives haven't just translated to too many zoom calls and house parties and instead have allowed for connection with the things that give our lives meaning.

Right now, all the kids are sleeping (well, Nouri is 'resting'), the apartment is clean and both the dishwasher and laundry machine are buzzing. I lay on the sofa with the sun streaming, a tea in my hand, my book besides me. I have everything I could ever need and every ounce of privilege I have is not lost on me. I am grateful.

This time tomorrow, where will we be?

On a spaceship somewhere sailing across an empty seaThis time tomorrow, what will we know?Will we still be here watching an in-flight movie show? 

I'll leave the sun behind meAnd I'll watch the clouds as they sadly pass me bySeven miles below meI can see the world and it ain't so big at all

That song is really hitting home right now!

I went on a long walk today and just minutes into it, my ear buds died and I found myself without the usual noise of a podcast or music in my ears. I heard a fire engine race by, a tennis ball being hit on a wall in an empty church parking lot, the swish swish of a sweeper's broom and of course the birds all around. And I thought, if these are the sounds of an apocalypse, they are strangely soothing and calm.

Walking without purpose or constraint is such a luxury. And walking without distraction gave me a lot of time to think and reflect on the last few weeks.

One of my favorite songs is One Day Like This by Elbow. Guy Garvey sings, “Throw those curtains wide, just one day a year like this could do me right.” Whenever I have a day like that, I consciously store it in my mind and revisit it again and again right after it happens so I don’t forget the details. If I can, I write it out. 

In my time, I've had some bad days, weeks and even months.  I've needed that store of good days to give me hope. I've come to really believe that one day a year like this could do me right. And getting through those really dark times when I didn't know when my mind would be strong again taught me to be patient. It taught me that it is ok to wait through the discomfort. To be still. 

We are all collectively being put into that exercise right now. We are being forced to live with uncertainty and that is ok. You can live there now. You won't always live there. And in the meantime, there is still a lot of beauty. 

My gratitude list grows longer each day we are in quarantine. Water, electricity, safe shelter, my family's health, the love that flows through our home, laughter every day, warm meals, sitting together around the dining table three times a day, creating art, reconnecting with so many people I love, good books, my favorite songs. Morning meetings with the family. We sit in a circle. Our knees touch. "My name is Ms. Pongo, I'm happy to be here. My name is Nouri, I'm happy to be here." And so on around our little circle. And it's true. I am happy to be here.

Sometimes I'm afraid to write down what is good. I feel like Holden Caulfield when he says, "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." Maybe the universe will test me. All this goodness can be taken away. But for now, it is here. I hold it close and I cherish it.

Turn and face the strange

Ch..ch..ch..chaaaanges!

This is a week that very few people could have ever imagined would come to be. But it came and here we are. Adjusting, adapting and stronger than ever?!?! (Fake it till you make it.)

I've always thought I was an extrovert but as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that there aren't many experiences that I get more pleasure from than reading books, listening to music and spending time with my family. So, if the experience I was having right now was happening in a vacuum, I think I would be pretty content. The uncertainty of the future and when things will go back to 'normal' do weigh on me a bit but I'm trying to keep this great chart a friend of mine shared in mind:

I mentioned that we were trying to figure out what to do about my parents who are in Pakistan as they spend the first quarter of the year there and we decided that it would be best for them to come back and they agreed. Thanks to my amazing brother and sister, they are on their way back and will be coming to a home stocked with groceries and ready for them to quarantine for a couple of weeks. Praying that they get here safely, free from germs and any extreme stress or travel delays.

I've been listening to a lot of my favorite calming music recently, Cat Stevens, John Denver and the Beatles Anthology Highlights. I've also been listening to a lot of the Armchair Expert, most recently the episode with Rainn Wilson. All great for my ears!

I'm reading "The Other Americans" which isn't a light read but still a nice escape from social media and the news.

Overall, feeling grateful for all the good that continues. The good I see in people, the good in art, the good inside myself and my family and the time to stop and reflect on the good of the past and the good of the future. May your days be filled with blessings and may you be aware of them.

Day 5 Schedule:

8:00 am – 9:00 am	Wake kids up, brush teeth, change clothes, potty and breakfast	Breakfast: Scrambled eggs and toast Check-in feelings and circle time to say welcome. Dadi’s turn to share.
9:00 am – 9:45 am	Structured free play	Click puzzle toys and matching doll puzzle. Clean up begins at 9:35.
9:45 am – 10 am 10 am – 11:30 am	Get ready to go out Outdoor walk/bike ride	Neighborhood bike time.
11:30 am – 12 pm	Reading out loud videos.	15 mins storylineonline.net 15 minutes reading in room We haven't managed to do this most days because the kids have been extending outside time which has been great!
12:00 pm – 12:15 pm	Laugh time	Probably will just let the kids tell Alexa to fart. This is always a fan favorite.
12:15 pm – 1 pm	Lunch	Packed Bentgo boxes for kids. Teachers eat dinner leftovers.
1pm -3 pm	Nap/Rest time	No dinner prep today because it's pizza night!
3:30 pm - 4:30 pm	School time	Khan Academy for 30 mins for Nouri. Koala Kids box for everyone else.
5:00 pm – 5:30 pm	Family dinner prep	Pizza from Market and Oven for adults and Dominos for kids.
5:30 pm -6:30 pm	Family dinner	Focus on conversation. We do “Memorable Moments” at dinner in which each person shares something memorable that happened each day.
6:30 pm -7:00 pm	Get ready for bed
7:00 pm – 7:30 pm	Stories and prayers/reflections	I am going to use this time to build a deeper gratitude practice with my kids. We generally express our thanks in our evening prayers but will ask them to think more meaningfully about the things they are thankful for. Have been reading the Magic Tree house all week which has been good for the 3 and 5 year old audience.
7:30 pm – 8:30 pm	Clean up house and prep for tomorrow	I’m adding one deep clean thing here for each evening to make sure our house stays in good shape. House is pretty spic and span so may do my organizational task at this time which is to organize the 100 cards I have so I can send them out to friends during the quarantine.
8:30 pm – 9:00 pm	Relax	Will chat with Dadi.
9:00 pm – 10:00 pm	Work out, knit, write or do any other hobby	Same videos again today. I will be doing this and this.
10:00 pm – Bedtime	TV Time!	We have started watching Westworld and really like it!
Maybe Never	Self care	I feel like the reading/working out/TV time are enough for me and the idea of doing some beauty ritual hasn't really been jiving. So, for now I'm taking that off my evening routine.

I'm still standing, better than I ever did

The sound machine has never been so fun!

Hope everyone is hanging in there! We have been able to establish a pretty good routine this week and it's nice to see the kids anticipating what is next and finding calm in that.

In our house, we haven't talked to the kids about what is going on beyond what I shared on Monday since our oldest is 5 and I don't think she would really understand or there would be much value in it. 

I am going to try to stay positive on here because there is already a lot of talk on the internets about all the things to worry about. But know that everyone is dealing with some of the negative impacts of Covid-19. My parents are in Pakistan and we are struggling with whether to have them come home or stay there. 

Being positive and looking for the good doesn't invalidate those feelings or negate the gravity of this situation. Everyone has a different survival mode and for me, trying to see the bright side (and looking at lots of hysterical memes) is truly the only option.

That said, there have been a lot of things about being home that I have loved. Namely, spending so much time with our nuclear family. I get to see all the funny little things the kids do throughout the day and we have so many opportunities to connect. We have all our meals together and have really established a nice rhythm. I am so grateful for this gift of togetherness and of health. If we've learned anything, that can be taken away in a second, so if you have it, value it.

You can see that our schedules have a rhythm now. Not much is changing. I'll do one more tomorrow and after that, I'll just print out these five and rotate them for the most part.

Day 4 Schedule:

8:00 am – 9:00 am	Wake kids up, brush teeth, change clothes, potty and breakfast	Breakfast: Pre-made pancakes and waffles. Check-in feelings and circle time to say welcome. Mama’s turn to share.
9:00 am – 9:45 am	Structured free play	Click puzzle toys and matching doll puzzle. Clean up begins at 9:35.
9:45 am – 10 am 10 am – 11:30 am	Get ready to go out Outdoor walk/bike ride	Bikeride around the neighborhood.
11:30 am – 12 pm	Reading out loud videos.	15 mins storylineonline.net 15 minutes reading in room
12:00 pm – 12:15 pm	Laugh time	Fast/Slow singing dance party. I just sing one song forever and when I sing it fast they dance fast and when I sing it slow they dance really slow.
12:15 pm – 1 pm	Lunch	Packed Bentgo boxes for kids. Teachers only get coffee.
1pm -3 pm	Nap/Rest time	Do dinner prep so everything is ready for the kids to ‘help’. "Dadi" (Paternal grandmother) arrives today so we will be cooking a lot more than usual. Will use nap time to clean up the house and get things ready!)
3:30 pm - 4:30 pm	School time	Nouri is going with Papa to get Dadi from Delaware so Nia and Na'eel will do books and small toys while I work.
5:00 pm – 5:30 pm	Family dinner prep	Aloo and peppers, channa, palou, salad, raitha and kebabs. Yum!
5:30 pm -6:30 pm	Family dinner	Focus on conversation. We do “Memorable Moments” at dinner in which each person shares something memorable that happened each day.
6:30 pm -7:00 pm	Get ready for bed
7:00 pm – 7:30 pm	Stories and prayers/reflections	I am going to use this time to build a deeper gratitude practice with my kids. We generally express our thanks in our evening prayers but will ask them to think more meaningfully about the things they are thankful for.
7:30 pm – 8:30 pm	Clean up house and prep for tomorrow	After clean-up, we will just chill and catch-up with Dadi tonight. May play it by ear for the evenings the next few nights.
8:30 pm – 9:00 pm	Read	Canceled!
9:00 pm – 10:00 pm	Work out, knit, write or do any other hobby	Canceled!
10:00 pm – 10:30 pm	One organizational task	Canceled!
10:30 pm - Bedtime	Read, watch TV, veg, whatever. Will be trying to sleep by midnight but we tend to sleep on the later side.	Canceled!

Covid Schedule - Day Three

Day two went really well and the schedule continues to be really useful for us generally. Since the weather was so great yesterday, the kids stayed out at the Arboretum for longer than we had planned. This, of course, is totally fine. If the kids are really immersed in something, I always prefer deep play over moving on to the next thing.

Nia is focused during puzzle time. Probably need to get her some other puzzles.

Nouri doing her share at morning meeting.

Na'eel had his first (we think) and second and fifth and seventh pakora tonight!

My evening devolved into reading about virus implications and then working so I got basically nothing done and felt a bit  anxious going to bed. My Whoop says that I had three disturbances last night but I swear I was up the whole night tossing and turning. I'll share some resources that I'm going to try to follow soon.

Day 3 Schedule: 

8:00 am – 9:00 am	Wake kids up, brush teeth, change clothes, potty and breakfast	Breakfast: Overnight oats. Check-in feelings and circle time to say welcome. Papa’s turn to share.
9:00 am – 10:30 am	Bath and Structured free play	Today we will do bath and the kid that isn’t in the bath can do Magnatiles. Clean up begins at 10:20.
10:30 am – 11:30 am	Outdoor walk/bike ride	Will just ride close to the building.
11:30 am – 12 pm	Reading time	15 mins storylineonline.net 15 minutes reading in room
12:00 pm – 12:15 pm	Laugh time	Each person will have two minutes to draw a funny face and then show it.
12:15 pm – 1 pm	Lunch	Packed Bentgo boxes for kids. Leftover dinner for the teachers.
1pm -3 pm	Nap/Rest time	Do dinner prep so everything is ready for the kids to ‘help’.
3:30 pm - 4:30 pm	School time	Khan Academy for 30 mins for Nouri. Stamping activity when they wake up. (Use stamp book for them to choose a design they want to make and each person will try to make it.)
5:00 pm – 5:30 pm	Family dinner prep	Salmon and roasted carrots
5:30 pm -6:30 pm	Family dinner	Focus on conversation. We do “Memorable Moments” at dinner in which each person shares something memorable that happened each day.
6:30 pm -7:00 pm	Get ready for bed
7:00 pm – 7:30 pm	Stories and prayers/reflections	I am going to use this time to build a deeper gratitude practice with my kids. We generally express our thanks in our evening prayers but will ask them to think more meaningfully about the things they are thankful for.
7:30 pm – 8:30 pm	Clean up house and prep for tomorrow	I’m adding one deep clean thing here for each evening to make sure our house stays in good shape. Today, will skip the deep clean activity to hang out with Dadi!
8:30 pm – 9:00 pm	Social media
9:00 pm – 10:00 pm	Work out, knit, write or do any other hobby	Same videos again today. I will be doing this and this.
10:00 pm – 10:30 pm	One organizational task	I will try to do one organizational thing at this time. 15 min minimum. For today, organize two shelves in my closet.
10:30 pm - Bedtime	Read, watch TV, veg, whatever. Will be trying to sleep by midnight but we tend to sleep on the later side.	I’m going to try to do one maintenance thing each night like nails, fix hair, face mask because I’m the type of person to let it all go when I don’t have to go into work. (Still have not done this even one night…tonight I will try!!)