Feraz and I met when I was 18 and he was 22. By the time I
was 19, we were engaged and as two young kids, we still had a lot to learn about the world. But there
was one thing that we knew we wanted to do from the moment that we decided we
would share our life together and that was to adopt.
We both felt a social responsibility to take care of
children that were already in the world and needed the support, love and
security we felt we could provide. We have both always wanted four children and
initially we planned to adopt all four. As our relationship grew, we realized
that we also had a desire to want biological children as well. We thought
creating a life together was a great expression of love and I also wanted to
experience the miracle of creating a life inside of me. We decided to adopt two
children and biologically have two. This was decided about ten years ago and we
have both stayed committed to this plan for our family.
We had always planned to adopt internationally and for the
last few years, I had been researching different agencies and countries from
which we could adopt. As the date to start our adoption process neared, I
realized that I was not comfortable spending 20-50k on the adoption process for
two kids. One day, while I was researching adoption online, I came across an
article about adopting through the foster care system. On a whim, I emailed
CFSA and signed up for their upcoming orientation session.
At the orientation session, I learned about the great need
for good parents right in our own community. When I was in college, I
spearheaded our university’s Fast-A-Thon, a national event geared to
eradicating hunger in our communities. A message from that event that always
stuck with me is the great need to address issues that are happening locally.
Whenever my friends and I would think of places to help, our minds and our
efforts would go towards helping people overseas. While there is a great
importance to spending our energies towards global relief efforts, we should
not do it with a blind eye towards the many social issues and injustices that
happen in our own backyards.
After the information session, I knew that I could not, with
good conscience, board a plane to fly across the world to find a child, when so
many children just blocks from my home, needed a loving and caring family. I
was so touched by the message of the social workers and the children in the
videos at the orientation that I immediately went home and campaigned for Feraz
to consider adopting through the foster care system.
Feraz was not ready to commit immediately but was very open
minded and said he would also attend an orientation session and learn more
about this route. Before we knew it, we were both on board and ready to start
the process to foster to adopt.
The first part of this process was taking a five-week MAPP
training course. In this course we met other prospective foster and adoptive
parents, learned much more about the foster care system, the reunification
process and the many challenges that come with adopting a child from the foster
care system.
The class also helped prepare us for the realities of
parenthood. We learned of different ways to address problem behaviors, handle
situations as a family and plan for the children’s futures. By the end of the
class, I was convinced that every parent, bio or adoptive should have to go
through such a class before having children.
One important thing we learned from the class was that we
would not be able to be foster parents. Although we were open to this
possibility when we started the class, we both knew that we would become too
attached to the children to be able to say goodbye when they were reunified
with their biological family. For this reason, we decided to apply for children
that are already available for adoption.
Every child who is in the foster care system has a “goal” or
“plan.” The goal is usually reunification meaning the child is to be placed
back in the home that it was removed from once the parent is able to resolve
the issue that caused the child to be removed in the first place. But there are
instances where the parent will not be able to resolve the issue and the best
resolution for the child is to find a permanent or ‘forever’ home. At this
point, a judge will terminate the parental rights of the biological parent and
that child will be available for adoption.
This is where Feraz and I come in. Once we have our license
we will be able to be ‘matched’ with an available child. Part of the process
included us filling out a matching form on which we detailed things we could or
could not parent. For instance, we were open to parenting a child that was born
premature and had prenatal drug exposure but we were not open to parenting a
child that was terminally ill or would need constant medical attention. The
matching tool is very thorough and it was so sad to read some of the issues the
children came with and even more saddening that we were not equipped to parent
some children who will desperately need loving homes.
After we filled out our matching tool, we were set up for
our first home study. At this home study, we were given all the paper work we
would need to fill out and we discussed the timeline of getting licensed. Among
the things we would have to do before getting licensed were having a lead
inspection of the house, getting medical clearances, getting background checks,
child proofing our home and submitting references.
At the second home study, Feraz and I each had individual
interviews with our social worker and also talked to the social worker
together. Here, we delved into our relationship, our backgrounds, our values
and our goals. We really like our social worker and found it easy to talk
openly to her about our expectations and hopes for this process.
We had the third home study earlier this week. It was very
brief and we just went over financial information to demonstrate that we are
able to financially take care of the children.
In the next month, we should complete the licensing process and then the agency can begin to find matches for us. We have asked for twins or a sibling set under the age of three but could be placed with single children as well. Once we are into that stage, we will do another update!
