On a spaceship somewhere sailing across an empty seaThis time tomorrow, what will we know?Will we still be here watching an in-flight movie show?
I'll leave the sun behind meAnd I'll watch the clouds as they sadly pass me bySeven miles below meI can see the world and it ain't so big at all
That song is really hitting home right now!
I went on a long walk today and just minutes into it, my ear buds died and I found myself without the usual noise of a podcast or music in my ears. I heard a fire engine race by, a tennis ball being hit on a wall in an empty church parking lot, the swish swish of a sweeper's broom and of course the birds all around. And I thought, if these are the sounds of an apocalypse, they are strangely soothing and calm.
Walking without purpose or constraint is such a luxury. And walking without distraction gave me a lot of time to think and reflect on the last few weeks.
One of my favorite songs is One Day Like This by Elbow. Guy Garvey sings, “Throw those curtains wide, just one day a year like this could do me right.” Whenever I have a day like that, I consciously store it in my mind and revisit it again and again right after it happens so I don’t forget the details. If I can, I write it out.
In my time, I've had some bad days, weeks and even months. I've needed that store of good days to give me hope. I've come to really believe that one day a year like this could do me right. And getting through those really dark times when I didn't know when my mind would be strong again taught me to be patient. It taught me that it is ok to wait through the discomfort. To be still.
We are all collectively being put into that exercise right now. We are being forced to live with uncertainty and that is ok. You can live there now. You won't always live there. And in the meantime, there is still a lot of beauty.
Sometimes I'm afraid to write down what is good. I feel like Holden Caulfield when he says, "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." Maybe the universe will test me. All this goodness can be taken away. But for now, it is here. I hold it close and I cherish it.