Tuesday, July 28, 2009
So, I am in Buffalo right now. What a beautiful and mystical town. I made some new friends here. We are all staying at the same B&B. We had some delicious scones and muffins with fresh fruit this morning. For dinner we found this fantastic little place with outdoor seating. The food wasn't anything to write home about but the conversation was on spot. It is so nice to meet new people that are so funny, witty and open.
After dinner we had a hankering for ice cream. One of our new friends had seen a ice cream place the day before. When we walked in Paula Abdul's Straight Up started to play. It was probably a top five moment of my life. After we finally made our ice cream selections we walked back towards the B&B. The sky looked like pink cotton candy puffs and along the street there was a young teenage boy and girl looking like they were falling in love for the first time on this July day.
It was perfect and I thank God for this moment and this day and all the circumstances that happened for me to be here to witness it.
I am sorry for all the cheesy posts on this blog. I will try to write more normally soon but for the time being I just feel like i am in one of those movies such as the science of sleep and the whole world has a bit of a fuzzy feel to it and each human interaction feels elevated and wonderful.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
It's cool it's cool to love your family
It's cool it's cool to love your family
I know because I love them more and more
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Some days I feel so happy that I don't believe I can ever be sad again.
Today the clouds outside are perfect. I ate the most delicious mango, drank the smoothest coffee and felt warm raindrops on my face. It feels like the whole universe is conspiring to make everything work out alright. I am eager to pay it forward to anyone who is eager to receive it. For so many years I asked, "How can life be so cruel?" Now days I wonder, "How can life be so kind? How did I ever deserve this?"
And soon, I know, life will humble me again but for the moment I am enjoying this perfect state. There is something in me that convinces me that there are only great things to come. That pain is easily conquered. That now all my dreams have come true, I can dig deep and find new dreams I haven't even realized. There is so much hope.
When I used to see young kids begging on the street, I wanted to hug them and kiss them. The beggers and the offensively rich, the business people and the street sellers, I loved them all. I love how incredibly ugly life can be and I love to see the ugliness in people because it helps me realize that that too is a part of our humaneness, and yet... yet, on most days, in most situations, most people rise above it.
When I look at my family and Feraz and his family and my friends from high school, from the community, from OU, from law school, from Turkey, from every other path that I have ever been on, from the peripheral people to those I came to breathe, all I can see is layers upon layers of beauty, goodness and inspiration.
To all those beautiful people- thank you, thank you, thank you. There is a Malayan Proverb that rings so true right now, "One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind."
Click here for your daily dose of joy.
WALK IN BEAUTY.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I hated being back in Ann Arbor. It made me feel awful in the worst ways. It made all the progress I made over the last four months go out the window in a matter of two days.
And so I am back in Canton and it feels like an incredible mercy. It feels like a hundred pounds have been taken off my back. It made me understand why people who come out of prison or out of rehab are supposed to find a new group of friends or a new place to go. At the end of the day, I am not going to negate the progress I've made as a person over the last few months. But I will admit that it is much easier to be a better, new and improved you when you are among new people and new places.
My new friends in Turkey helped me learn to be myself again and to get out of this cloud I had been in for so long. They helped me see that my real self was not an ugly and terrible person. I wrote this in my personal journal shortly after meeting one of my new friends, Remy:
"What a gracious love you give. The type only a stranger, only someone peripheral can offer. You know the best of me at this time. I could be your big sister. I could be your mentor. I envy you knowing me in this way. I wish I could know myself like this. With such a purity, with such a un-adultered love. Without the truth of my mistakes and shortfalls polluting every moment and every memory."
Forgiveness. This theme seems to be predominating my life these days. I've been so worried about forgiving others that I haven't left enough time to forgive myself. We all make mistakes. We make them every single hour of every single day.
One of my friends who recently came to visit in Turkey gave me a great little prayer book named The Abridged Al-Hizbul-Azam. I read this prayer today and it is one of my favorites and always gives me hope and strengthens my love for God.
"Oh Allah, you are my Lord; Nobody is worthy of worship besides you. You created me and I am your slave. I am honoring my pledge and my promise as much as I can. I beg your protection from the evil consequences of my misdeeds. I admit Your favours upon me and I also admit my sins. So forgive me, because none besides you has the power to forgive sins."