Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Do you know I made him leave? Do you know he begged to stay?

Some days I feel so happy that I don't believe I can ever be sad again. 

Today the clouds outside are perfect.  I ate the most delicious mango, drank the smoothest coffee and felt warm raindrops on my face. It feels like the whole universe is conspiring to make everything work out alright. I am eager to pay it forward to anyone who is eager to receive it. For so many years I asked, "How can life be so cruel?" Now days I wonder, "How can life be so kind? How did I ever deserve this?" 

And soon, I know, life will humble me again but for the moment I am enjoying this perfect state. There is something in me that convinces me that there are only great things to come. That pain is easily conquered. That now all my dreams have come true, I can dig deep and find new dreams I haven't even realized. There is so much hope.

When I used to see young kids begging on the street, I wanted to hug them and kiss them. The beggers and the offensively rich, the business people and the street sellers, I loved them all. I love how incredibly ugly life can be and I love to see the ugliness in people because it helps me realize that that too is a part of our humaneness, and yet... yet, on most days, in most situations, most people rise above it. 

When I look at my family and Feraz and his family and my friends from high school, from the community, from OU, from law school, from Turkey, from every other path that I have ever been on, from the peripheral people to those I came to breathe, all I can see is layers upon layers of beauty, goodness and inspiration.

To all those beautiful people- thank you, thank you, thank you. There is a Malayan Proverb that rings so true right now, "One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind."

Click here for your daily dose of joy. 



  1. That's the spirit, Summy.
    I love reading your posts because they are VERY VERY honest.

    YAAR, I wish I could write like you, my New York Times walli... Hehe!

  2. Remy, If only NYT would pay me to write for them? Can you work your aunt's connections and make that happen? :) I would need a very heavy editor too- my grammar is the pits.

    Sometimes I am scared to be honest on here because I worry people will make fun of me. But I want to get to a point where I don't care at all what people think of me and this is one step towards that! How can we be free when we silence our voices??

  3. You have a great style of writing and your love for writing reflects in your pieces. You're going in the right direction.
    Step 1: Blogging
    Step 2: Contributing your work to magazines and newspapers
    Step 3: Writer!It will happen, inshallah.

    Think about the people who can't voice their opinions or even utter a word back home. We're lucky.

    I will try and find you a contact.

  4. remy,

    i totally agree about back home. i think my experiences in pakistan strongly define my voice, so to speak. once i finish this bar business i am going to concentrate on my fiction and try to get some stuff out. can you get me in check if i get lazy about it? you know how much i love to play!!

    also, i have to find a place to live! any ideas?? i think i am just going to sort out things on a month to month basis.

    your bestiee is almost in istanbulllll! i am so excited for you! xoxo.

  5. your thoughts are adorable

    and you've always been outspoken so please always use your voice for the greater good!!! it would be sad to see that talent go to waste


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